What is you best drunk story? Worst?

Research has shown that the mere physical act of smiling, without actually feeling like it, triggers internal biological

reactions that stimulate emotions and contribute to a better mood – in you and others.

In other words, when you feel down, fake a big fat smile and you will lighten up automatically. But be careful,

it also works the other way around, so remember to keep smiling. 🙂

Of course genuine smiling works a lot better, so try one of the daily joke sites below for some serious fun.

Texan: “Where are you from?” 
Harvard Grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.” 
Texan: “OK – where are you from, jackass?” 

Got milk?

My favorite subject: Kids & Babies

Please send me you funniest baby/kid photos & videos with a caption and I’ll post them. Send to tgurda2@gmail.com

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A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.” 
The other man replies, “Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.”

 

Funny Politicians

Steven Wright:

“I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.”

“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, ‘Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.’ He said, ‘Yes, but not in a row.'”

“If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if

you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?”

 

Hot babes –

(Well…that’s what we thought after 2 AM)…

 

“If we’re all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?”

Jimmy Carr

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “That driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” The dog replied, “but that would make no sense at all!”

16 Things About Movies

1. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

2. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

3. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

4. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

5. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

6. A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

7. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

8. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

9. The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.

10. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

11. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

12. A cup of black coffee or a splash of cold water in the face is enough to render the most inebriated person stone cold sober.

13. If you try hard enough, you can outrun an explosion.

14. If you stick your head out of cover during a gun fight, it will never be hit, especially if you look backwards to hold a conversation with someone behind you.

15. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned partners who are their total opposite.

16. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “That driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

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A woman walks into bar and sits next to a handsome man. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together, and go back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that a wall in his bedroom is completely filled with three shelves of soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears on three shelves carefully placed in rows and lovingly arranged. She is immediately touched by the amount of thought he had in organizing his collection, with the small bears on the bottom and the huge enormous bears along the top shelf. That such as large, masculine man should be so caring and sensitive it beyond belief. They share a bottle of wine and talk and after awhile, she thinks, ‘Oh my God! maybe this is the one! The future father of my children?’ They kiss, the passion builds and they make their way back to the bedroom for a night of mad passionate lovemaking. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they lie there together in the warm afterglow and she gently asks while stroking his hairy chest, ‘Well, how was it?’ The sensitive guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says, ‘Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!’